Hurt Me
by PoisonToMyLips
Summary: Sonny Moore&Matt Good ficSonny wants to feel the pain...The heartbreak...Whatever lovely sensation he can get...But he has to risk his whole relationship to get what he wants...R&R please?
1. Chapter 1

I loved him so much...So much that it hurt. I was bleeding inside. Dying more and more every day...Now let me tell you, this story is not your average romantic evening...There's going to be PAIN. Plenty of pain...I'm smiling just at the thought of it. So much pain. My body barely being able to handle all the hurt...Shaking in desperation...Screaming in agony...Smiling in satisfaction...It all seemed so surreal! Pain couldn't be the cause of such pleasure, right? Oh, you have much more to learn my friend. More smiles. More and more of those empty smiles. Not the ones the lovely _pain_ causes, but the ones that you force.

Those pretty fake smiles that everyone believes. My, my, how stupid some people are! They will believe anything you say!

"Oh, yes! I'm just _fine_. Happy as ever! How about you?" I say to myself, mimicking all the lies. I hate people sometimes. No, all the time! They don't look inside you enough...They don't look you straight in the eyes. You can always tell if someone is hurting, but no one cares enough to ever look. At least, not for me. No one cares about little me. The only person that I thought cared was my 'beloved' Matt. If he loved me, he wouldn't have made me feel this way. He wouldn't have let this keep building up until I had to force him to do what I wanted. I wouldn't have had to hurt him if he would just obey!

I know what you're thinking...I abused him until he had sex with me? Yes, I am quite straight forward with my words, but no...That is not what I did. I taunted him until he abused _me_. I needed the pain from him. I needed to feel the heartbreak. I needed to see him mad. I needed the only man I loved to make me cry. It is a weird passionate feeling that I need to satisfy.

Flashback

_"You're worthless! You'll never make it in this world. You are a NOTHING!" I growled at him. I could almost feel his eyes burning into me._

_"That's not true, Sonny...That's not true," he said shakily._

_"Oh, but it is my dear. You're worth nothing but a fuck or two and then it's time to give you up like the little childrens toy you are," I said and he shoved me against the wall. I had to hide my smile._

_"Say that again and I-," he said, but I stopped him with a kiss. He jerked away and held my face with his hands, squeezing my head, but not enough to hurt...I needed more..._

_"You'll what! Get rid of me? Face it, Matty! Without me you would be on the streets. I _own_ you," I said._

_"You don't own me! I don't need you," he screamed and bit his lip. He knew what was coming._

_"You need me more than you think! You're a repulsive joke! You are NOTHING!" I yelled and grabbed his arms. He was always one to stand up for himself. He yanked his arms out of my grasp and smacked me. The sting sent a tingle down my spine._

_End Flashback_


	2. Chapter 2

The memory made me shudder. How good it felt to be slapped across the face. I was quite lucky that Matthew was too much of a wuss to leave me. I don't mean to sound rude, but he really was. He wouldn't have dared to walk out on me then. I had planted it in his mind that he needed me. Sometimes I felt horrible for what I did. Oh, if only he knew how I needed him...If only he knew how much I wanted to have a normal relationship, but I just couldn't seem to stop myself from wanting the abuse. I loved him with my whole heart, but my mind wouldn't let me push out the thoughts of beautiful pain. Every now and then for fun, I acted like he didn't care. Like he didn't love me. Sometimes I made him feel bad and he would come back to me, begging for me to believe he loved me. Other times I would slap him silly until he fought back.

_Flashback_

_"Sonny," he gasped, his body decieving him when I started to suck on his already blood drawn neck._

_"That's right, Matty. Say my name," I roared and he pushed me away._

_"Sonny! Not tonight!" he yelled and I glared._

_"You've got nothing else going for you. Just do me, NOW!" I said and he shoved me on the ground._

_"Why do you always put me down, huh? You're always saying how horrible I am and then you want to fuck me! I don't understand you, Sonny! I don't even know why I love you!" he yelled. Pain in my heart..._

_"I'm sorry, Matty," I said softly. "I really am. I'm being quite rude and I need to learn to control myself." He looked at my big 'sad' eyes and nodded. He might as well be an ignorrant simian. Ha!_

_"It's okay. You were caught up in the moment," he said and I snuggled up to him. I started trying to slip off his boxers and he smacked my hand away._

_"Sonny, please," he said softly._

_"Come on, Matt," I grunted and started rubbing him through the material._

_"Sonn-...Sonny! Stop!" he yelled. I started to rub harder and he moaned. When I wouldn't stop, he shoved me away and slapped me. He got off the bed and I charged towards him. He looked around for something, but didn't move._

_"Sonny!" he yelled and I clashed my teeth into his. He tore away from me and slapped me again. When I wouldn't stop trying to get his boxers off, he ran to the other side of the room and and picked up the phone. I froze. I thought he was going to call the police, but instead the threw it at me and he MISSED! I gave a hearty laugh and smiled wickedly. What a fool. I ran towards him and tried to slip off his boxers again, but he punched me straight in the face. I gasped with pleasure but he thought it was with pain._

_"Oh my god," he said softly and I brought my hand up to my bloody face._

_"You dispicable bastard," I muttered. I loved to put on a show. His expression immediatly changed._

_"No, you're the despicable one! You treat me like shit and you expect me to love you for it! Honestly, I think I'm leaving this time!" he yelled and got out of the bed. What? That wasn't supposed to happen...He couldn't leave...I loved him! No worries though, young children. I know how to reel him back in._

_"Go ahead, Matty. Break my heart to pieces. I don't care. Most of my heart is missing, so you might as well take away the rest," I said and he stopped moving. He hated seeing me so 'upset'._

_"Sonny, don't start that," he mumbled and I rubbed the back of my neck._

_"No, it's okay...Go on...Leave me here...I'll just do...Oh nevermind. You don't want to know," I said softly and he looked at me._

_"Do what, Sonny?" he asked and I sighed._

_"Oh, nothing. It doesn't matter," I said and he turned around._

_"I'm sick of this, Sonny. No more," he yelled and opened the door. I made rustling noises with the back of cocaine in my hand. He turned around and looked at me with his eyes wide._

_"You're doing them again!" he asked. He was too smart for his own good. I thought I would have had to tell him in order for him to realize what I was 'going to do'._

_"Well...Not yet," I said, "But it'll help the pain." He came back to the bed and sighed._

_"Sonny, don't do it. You know I hate it when you do drugs," he said._

_"You don't care about me, so what does it matter?" I asked and he sighed._

_"I care, Sonny. I care," he said._

_"No, you don't. You hate me. You probably want to get rid of me now, huh?" I asked. I could almost see the anger growing in him._

_"Sonny, what the hell! I care about you! I don't want you doing something to hurt yourself!" he said and I frowned for show._

_"Well, you were just about to do the most hurtfull thing anyone could have ever done, so that shows you hate me. You don't love me and you never have," I said and he pinned me down on the bed._

_"Sonny, listen to me! You mean the world to me, but you hurt me so much when you say those things to me. It hurts, it really does!" he yelled. More pain...More smiles..._

_"Get away from me. You hate me," I said, looking at him with the most hateful stare I could make. It was beyond difficult to make a hateful face when he looked so gorgeous._

_"Sonny!" he yelled and shook me roughly. _

_"I said get off me," I whispered and he looked at me with pure rage._

_"Whatever," he he said sharply, his words slicing through the air. It sounded so full of passion. He put on his shoes and then threw on his coat angrily. He was so beautiful when he was mad._

_"Well?" I asked and he sighed._

_"I'm going for a walk," he paused, "I'll be back later." He turned his back on my smile and stormed out._

_End Flashback_


	3. Chapter 3

Sometimes seeing him so hurt almost ruined the moment. Take note that I said 'almost'. Nothing could take away the pleasure from the pain. Here is what I always say: want causes need, need causes selfishness, selfishness causes pain, and pain causes perfect pleasure. Matthew Good was my bleeding happiness. I know, you think I'm insane? That's what they all say now. Well, maybe if you took just a minute to listen to me, then you would understand. All my life, people I have cared about have caused nothing but their pure throbbing agony to puncture through the center of my heart. I love both types of pain: emotional and physical. Let me be honest with you, I am mean. Not just 'oh I hate your hair' kind of mean, but absolute writhing hatred towards other people. Humans are nothing but silly excusess for life forms made to live in this 'home' called earth. This is NOT a home. This is a treacherous place where I'm forced to deal with this insanity. All I am trying to do is make my life a little simpler by adding my idea of fun! Alright, well now I am just babbling. Matthew stayed with me until death parted us, and let me tell you that came sooner than expected. I never meant for it to happen that soon, or at all for that matter, but I needed to see it happen. As time grew, I did too and I had developed weirder needs. I wanted to see him bleed. I wanted to hear him scream. I wanted him to beg for his life on his hands and knees .

_Flashback_

_"Feed me with your pitiful screams," I growled and slashed his back again with the whip._

_"Please," he whimpered._

_"I said SCREAM!" I yelled into his face and dragged a blade across his pale chest. He gritted in pain and then let out the most horrifying sharp cry._

_"Come on, Matty. Don't be a whimp. Yell...Scream...Anything but whimper and cry," I hissed sinisterly. After a few more slashes and no screams, I took a different approach. I untied his wrists and ankles and helped him off the floor._

_"Sonny?" he asked._

_"Go," I said softly and he looked at me curiously.  
"What?" he asked._

_"GO!" I screamed as loud as I could and he headed for the door. "Unless..." I didn't have to say another word. He knew...He turned around and froze in place when he saw the gun pointing straight at his head._

_"Sonny," he whispered._

_"Don't speak!" I roared and he nodded. "Matty here is going to be a good little boy, isn't he?" He nodded and I grinned. I pointed to the bed and his eyes grew wide, but he stripped his clothes off and laid on the bed._

_"You're horrible," he muttered and I frowned._

_"Awwwe, Matty doesn't like Sonny's games anymore, hmmm? Well how about a new one," I said and he whimpered. I got out my pocket knife and let it glimmer in the sun. How beautiful the mini rays were. So perfected, like a piece of destructive art..._

_"May I ask what game we're playing?" he asked._

_"Well, I believe that was just asking right there, but I suppose there's no harm in explaining it," I said. "I will command you to tell me what your favorite thing is pertaining to the category, and if you get it wrong, then you get a little nik or so in your back," I said. I could tell he was worried. He knew I liked specific answers for things and he didn't know all the answers._

_"Who is your favorite person in the world?" I asked. _

_"You, Sonny," he said hatefully and I gave him a glare. I dug the knife into his back and cut out a piece of his skin. He yelled and I licked the warm, salty blood off of his back. It tasted so tangy. Smiles..._

_"Say it with more passion," I said._

_"You, Sonny," he said as happy as he could. Good enough._

_"Now, what is your favorite movie?" I asked._

_"Um...Harry Potter?" he asked instead of stated._

_"Devils Rejects," I said angrily and sliced the knife from the top of his back to the very bottom, level with his hipbone. He was waiting for my next move, because he knew this was too easy of a punishment. I threw salt all over the wound and the sounds he produced from the pain almost made me cum without a seconds notice. I moaned as I poured Vodka to wash away the salt, letting his screams pour out of his mouth. I couldn't take it any longer. I had to do something...So I fucked him...Dry. The yelps and cried he let out when I first entered were so intense that I began shaking with complete ecstasy. Eventually I hit a certain spot that made him go crazy. His body was letting him down, and I loved when that happened. It showed he had no control. By the time I was done, there was blood everywhere, soaking the sheets._

_"Let's play a new game," I said and he gasped._

_"What now?" he groaned._

_"Excuse me?" I asked._

_"Um...What are we going to play?" he asked, faking excitement. ._

_"This," I said and grabbed his hand. I snapped one of his fingers and he screamed. The pearly white bone broke through the skin and blood gushed out. I broke another one of his fingers and kept going until eight of his fingers were useless. He was crying now. I loved it all._

_"Now rub me," I commanded._

_"But how!" he shrieked and I broke a ninth finger._

_"Do it NOW or you'll lose your last," I yelled and he tried. He eventually got a rhythem going with his palms and I was being coated in his blood form his hands. He was whimpering and biting his bottom lip to hold back the threatening screams._

_"Scream, Matty," I moaned and he shook his head. By now, blood was trickling down his chin from biting his lip so hard._

_"Mmm mm," he mumbled and let a few more tears roll down. I pushed him down against the bed and began to suck his bloody lips dry. That's when I knew tonight was the night. Tonight was the night he was going to die, and I wanted to get every last scream out of his lungs before he passed away. That night I did everything I could think of. I strangled him until he could barely breath, I slashed his body as much as possible, and I even stabbed burning hot needles into his body. I see this as more of a creative sex activity rather than abuse. Finally at about 5am I decided to end it. I was getting bored with his same old screams._

_"Say goodbye Matty," I said cheerfully._

_"I hate you," he said wickedly. I would've been okay with just an 'I hate you', but the look in his eyes...It brought me the most pain I had ever felt...And I shivered from it. Pure bliss. I pointed the gun striaght to his heart. I know, shooting people in the head is immediate, but I wanted to hear his one last feeling of pain take over his voice. I took one last look at my love and pulled the trigger. The scream was monsterous! His cry was probably be heard for miles._

_End Flashback_

I'm not stupid. I knew the police would catch me. There was no way they couldn't! They didn't just take me to a jail though, they took me to a mental hospital. Everyday I sit here and write these 'letters'. They know I write these, and everytime they reread them, they're always disgusted. They always say, "Alright, that's it! You're going in the box!" The box was quite a scary thing. They always put you in a straight jacket and threw you into a big cusiony box! Everything was white. Not one shade of black, even grey for that matter! Sometimes they would put you in there for days and hand you food through a little flap thing in the door. I'm just waiting until they let me out, which won't be until I show them progress. By writing these stupid things, which I just happen to need to do, they won't ever let me go. I want to always remember what I did and exactly what I felt so I _have_ to write this down. I am not ashamed and I am _never_ going to say I'm sorry. No way...No how...

**THE END**


	4. AN

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters...This is all fake...Just a silly fictional story **

**Reviews are greatly appreciated 3**


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